Chandler & Monica — a Toxic Relationship
“What are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other?”
Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl
So, are you here because you’re surfing for your favorite TV show, Friends. Or your favorite couple on those TV show, Chandler and Monica. Or because the iconic opening line of Gone Girl “What we have done to each other?”. Since the F.R.I.E.N.D.S reunion will be airing soon, I rewatched the show and realizing something that Chandler and Monica’s relationship isn’t the goal. It’s venomous! But you are probably wondering why Chandler and Monica’s relationship considered as toxic relationship?
- THANKSGIVING 1987
Let’s back to season 5 episode 8, it’s 1987 and the Gellers is celebrating thanksgiving. At those times Monica is still a chubby high school girl, and she’s probably the duff for Rachel. Afro Ross is coming home from university life, and bring Chandler to home as "the boy who’s hates thanksgiving". That’s the first time Chandler ever meets Monica. Even with his weird hairstyle, Chandler is considered as a handsome college guy. Judy Geller (Ross and Monica’s mom) suddenly love his present. And for Monica it’s seems like love at first sight.
But how about Chandler? Is he loving Monica back? Well, sadly not. As a college guy she’s surely had high standards. As we can remember Ross already had a crush on Rachel back then, and he’s planning to accompany Rachel who’s just broke up with her boyfriend. And what Chandler said about that?
“No, it’s not that, I just don’t want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister”
Monica was at the age between teenager and youth woman, and it must hurt like hell! But the memories of her first meeting with Chandler is not always bad, however, Chandler told her to be a chef and she’s making it. At least Chandler accidentally helps her on her career path. But, is it just bad thing Chandler ever did to Monica? Hell, no!
2. CHANDLER KISS RACHEL
Why am I calling Chandler as a college guy with high standard? Cause he’s. Let’s back on season 6 episode 2. Chandler was dating Adrienne, probably one of the hottest chick on university. Sadly, the university life means a best friend can betray you for a chick, right? Ross is making out with his girlfriend and it’s made him totally angry. So what he did?
Rachel and Monica were attending to college party for their first time. As a kid, they were so excited to meet many other hot college guys. Chandler is absolutely known that Monica had a crush on him back at those times. But he seems like he doesn’t give a fuck about that. Although it wasn’t something on purpose, because he did it to make Ross pay back. But talk to Rachel directly and ignoring Monica is pretty mean. The worst thing is, he’s talking with Rachel to kiss her. Kiss a tipsy teenager, in the sake of revenge.
3. MONICA’S EATING DISORDERS
Yes, it’s disorders and its plural. A year after the thanksgiving Monica is coming with her body’s revenge. In the next thanksgiving, which is thanksgiving 1988, finally a good hairstyle and good looking Chandler pay attention about Monica. But why I said it was eating disorders? Well, if we recall when Monica attended college party, she’s still just the same (although she’s probably already started on the diet). Lose weight on a short time? Well, that’s probably anorexia.
When he finally sees Monica’s body’s revenge, he said “What difference a year made!”. A year? He’s obviously ignorance! In the night when he’s kissed Rachel, she’s coming with Monica. And at those nights she hasn’t got her perfect body. So Chandler is basically ignoring her existence when she’s not on his beauty standard. However the thanksgiving doesn’t go well.
So now, Monica is able to fulfill the terms of “If I get a little prettier can I be your baby?” (Lana del Rey’s God and Monsters). But Chandler is confusing and still doing nothing about it. So as the thanksgiving ended, their romance is faded. Sadly Monica is doing everything she could do to be one of those Chandler’s standard, and still doesn’t make him tryna catch her.
That’s probably drive Monica into another eating disorder. Yup! She’s gaining weight back. She’s probably did binge eating. Years later she meets Chandler, and again she still has crush on him that makes her easily giving her virginity to him (or she’s probably desperate).
4. MENTAL ILLNESS
It’s a public secret that eating disorders could develop your another mental illness, and it’s usually OCD. Anorexic people usually used their body to be something to rearranged, something that they could fix. But how if these people finally have a deal, and agree that her body is already acceptable (fit in) while she’s addicted with rearranged and makes something fit in? Here her OCD comes as her new body. Sadly, Monica should step on those pathetic stages and hold the OCD for the rest of her life. The diet messed with her hormones pretty badly, developing OCD and causing infertility as well. Even if she’s already winning Chandler’s heart. She’s carrying such a huge pain ever after.
But how about Chandler? We all know that he’s not coming from a happy family. He’s referring that’s why he’s growing up without any emotion. Joey said that
And in the episode when Ursula using Phoebe’s name to be a porn star, Rachel and Monica’s guessing it must be because her bad childhood. Chandler said he has bad childhood also, and again
But has no emotions means you’re a psychopath. And someone like Chandler is most likely not a psychopath, he had emotions, but he just can’t express that emotion well. That’s why he had such a unique self defense, he makes jokes when he’s feeling uncomfortable. He’s such a satire person. And had self-sabotage behavior. Which is not good. He underestimates his parenting skills. He’s actually can smile, but make it impossible when he needs too (the day when Joey replaced him to be on his engagement picture with Monica) and any other things.
